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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25603693">I Gave You All</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/generalkenobi715/pseuds/generalkenobi715'>generalkenobi715</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Song Series [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Other, Tatooine (Star Wars)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:47:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,835</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25603693</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/generalkenobi715/pseuds/generalkenobi715</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Everywhere he looks, he sees him.</p><p>This is, perhaps, the worst possible place to try to forget.  To move on, though he knows he never can.  He feels as if his presence lingers around every corner -</p><p>But that isn’t impossible.<br/>Anakin Skywalker is dead.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Song Series [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1855768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Gave You All</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alone, in the middle of a desert, a man stares up at the ceiling, and it seems to stare back at him, as it does nearly every humid night.</p><p>Silent, unmoving as the thick night air that hangs outside in the dunes, he lays on his back, stiff as a board.</p><p>Sleep has once again eluded him.</p><p>He’s memorized every inch of the ceiling above him - every dent, every crevice, every gash.  He’s spent countless nights like this, putting all his focus into his surroundings.<br/>
It’s the only way he can escape his thoughts.</p><p>Nevertheless, the mind is relentless.   He often makes the mistake of shifting his gaze from the ceiling to the window, where distractions and reminders constantly lurk, as if waiting for him to slip.  The passing of a sandstorm, like the one that had kept him here decades ago, or the cry of a Tuskan raider - one that sends shivers down his spine.  The glow of a flame, out in the distance.</p><p>Everywhere he looks, he sees him.</p><p>This is, perhaps, the worst possible place to try to forget.  To move on, though he knows he never can.  This planet is everything about a boy he once knew.  He feels as if his presence lingers around every corner - in every astromech that comes through the market, in the fury of the Tatooine wind, in the laughter of the local boys as they thunder through the canyon.</p><p>But that isn’t possible.<br/>
Anakin Skywalker is dead.</p><p>He closes his eyes as he forces it through his mind.  It’s a concept so hard to believe, so difficult to accept.  And yet it was unyieldingly true.</p><p>Still, he remembers when he had lived.  </p><p>He remembers smiling and shaking a small hand, giant blue eyes gazing up at him through shaggy blonde bangs.  He remembers looking down at those same eyes just a day later, the weight of the world on his shoulders.  He remembers placing his hand on the head of a boy who felt the loss of his master, too - and he remembers thinking that this boy was all he had left.  That they were alone against the world, and that he would give him all he had.</p><p>He remembers nights alone, just the two of them.  Anakin sleeping in the light of a fire, covered with Obi-wan’s cloak on account of losing his own.  He remembers the way his eyes would squeeze tighter, the whimpers that would escape his chest when he was plagued by the nightmares.  He remembers wanting so badly to reach out, and he remembers letting his hand fall back to his side.</p><p>He remembers watching him grow.  Watching him become more powerful, more confident.  Cocky, but rightfully so.<br/>
He remembers the way he looked at Padme, and he wished he didn’t.<br/>
Because he remembers turning the other way.</p><p>He remembers the day he’d told him about his mother.  The pain rolling off of him in waves, the guilt permeating the very air they breathed.  He remembers placing his hand on his shoulder, the right words eluding him.  He remembers searching for his eyes, only to find his face turned away.  Even still, he knew he’d find their brilliant blue dulled - still that of a boy, but hardened.  No longer innocent, no longer open like a book.</p><p>If only he’d found the words.</p><p>He remembers looking across the battlefield, blood and sweat dripping down his forehead.  He remembers looking up to find those blue eyes on fire, lit up with the heat of battle.  He remembers no longer seeing that boy who had lost so much.  He’d seen a young man who was brave and strong, but one with the hopes and expectations of a galaxy laid squarely on his shoulders.  A man who was in over his head.<br/>
Even still, he remembers those eyes meeting his own, and remembers Anakin’s lips cocking upwards in that devilish smile - and in that smile, he saw a friend.<br/>
A man for whom he’d give anything.  A man he’d die for, and who would die for him.</p><p>He remembers the day Ahsoka walked away.  He remembers his own guilt, a justified guilt - one he’d never shaken.  But he also remembers walking up beside Anakin, on the steps of the Temple.  Remembers the way he stood, shoulders drooping, Ahsoka’s Padawan braid still held tightly in his outstretched hand (he remembers he’d never gotten rid of it).  He remembers the return of those waves of emotion, the cracking of a facade of arrogance and bravery.  The brief emergence of a boy from behind a man’s eyes.</p><p>He remembers placing his hand on his shoulder once again, only to find Anakin’s head still turned away.<br/>
Again, he’d said nothing.</p><p>He remembers the fear that had crept into his chest after that mission.  The way his heart had stopped when he’d realized Anakin had killed Dooku.  The anticipation of the end of the war and the simultaneous threat of the dark.  But mostly, he remembers the way the walls Anakin always kept so fortified had crumbled in a matter of days.  Something was off - Anakin was struggling, and deep down, he’d known why.  And he’d had no idea what to do.  </p><p>So he’d done nothing.</p><p>His eyes squeeze tighter as the memories flash through his mind, as if on a continuous loop.  One he can never control.  He remembers the last time he saw him - the real him. </p><p>The one he’d abandoned.</p><p>The one he’d left to sort through a Padawan and a prophecy and a war and a family under threat of death - all on his own.  The one he’d made feel so utterly alone, he’d had no choice but to turn to a man who had manipulated him since the beginning.  </p><p>He remembers walking down the ramp, seeing him smile, and smiling in return, and for a moment, feeling as though everything might be alright.  Feeling the trust they’d always shared, the understanding that had kept them in perfect step for years.<br/>
Feeling they’d given each other all of themselves, and that perhaps this was a bond that could never truly be broken.  That they’d be okay, and they’d come out on the other side of the war, free.<br/>
He remembers feeling truly happy, before everything fell apart.</p><p>He remembers watching the security footage, and he remembers his horror - not simply at Vader’s actions, but at the absence of his own surprise.<br/>
He remembers begging Yoda not to send him to Anakin, remembers the cold tendrils of dread that had climbed their way up his ribcage at the thought of what he had to do.  What he knew came next.</p><p>He remembers telling Padme, her disbelief so utterly telling of her character - a disbelief he had wished he could truly feel below the surface.<br/>
He remembers asking a question as a way of admitting the truth to himself.<br/>
“Anakin’s the father, isn’t he?”</p><p>He remembers the weight of further tragedy - one not just of a man, or of a galaxy, but of a family torn apart before it even began.</p><p>He remembers looking back at a woman who was losing even more than he was, and he remembers longing for disbelief to take the place of guilt and solemn empathy.</p><p>He had always known.  And he’d done nothing.</p><p>“I’m so sorry.”</p><p>He remembers the guilt that sat heavily in his chest when he’d climbed aboard Padme’s ship.  He remembers alarm bells ringing in his head when he’d watched what he did to her, when he’d witnessed a man truly fall to pieces.  This was a man he knew better than anyone, and yet this was a man he’d never met.<br/>
He remembers telling him to let her go.<br/>
Inside, he’d been screaming.</p><p>He remembers the anger bubbling inside him, urged on by the waves of fire that crashed down on all sides.  That he’d been betrayed.  That his brother had abandoned him, destroyed everything they’d held dear.  That he’d killed the bond they shared, had tossed aside all Obi-wan had given him.  All the years, all they’d been through.<br/>
And though he’d very much like to forget, he remembers the true source of that anger.<br/>
It wasn’t with Anakin.<br/>
It was with himself.</p><p>He remembers the duel as a continuous blur, marked only by the moments they were locked together as equals.<br/>
He remembers the walls of fire burning away the last traces of the men they had been, and the men they had been to each other. </p><p>He remembers finally finding the words, far too late.  He remembers pleading with Anakin, begging him to see the truth.  But he remembers the harsh reality of his words even better.<br/>
Anakin had been manipulated, and not just by Palpatine.  By the very people he was supposed to be able to trust, to rely on.  Yoda, the Council.<br/>
Even him.<br/>
And it was for this reason that he wasn’t reasoning with Anakin, the boy he’d loved.<br/>
He was bouncing useless cries off of Darth Vader, the monster of his own creation.</p><p>He remembers seizing his moment, leaping up onto the hill.  He remembers the sliver of hope that had ignited in his chest, that he could end this, that he could avoid doing what he knew he couldn’t.</p><p>He remembers how quickly that spark had gone out, when the cruelty of a master’s legacy had flashed in Anakin’s eyes.  Obi-wan’s legacy.<br/>
“Don’t try it.”<br/>
Anakin had heard the story of Maul far too many times, and in that moment, Obi-wan had wished he could erase it from his memory.</p><p>He remembers the split second reaction.  The moment which had made the man on the outside reflect that within - broken, bruised, and twisted.  Torn apart.</p><p>He remembers pouring out everything he had.<br/>
“You were my brother, Anakin.  I loved you.”</p><p>It wasn’t a guilt trip.  It was a confession.</p><p>I couldn’t follow the rules, either.  I loved you too much, and I never told you.  I gave so much of myself to you, you became a part of me.  And now we’ve paid for it.<br/>
I failed.</p><p>I gave you all, and it wasn’t enough.</p><p>He remembers how his cries had fallen on deaf ears.<br/>
“I hate you.”</p><p>It was in that moment, hearing the words that would haunt him for the rest of his days, that he had realized he was far, far too late.<br/>
He hadn’t been able to bring himself to end Darth Vader.<br/>
But the man he knew was gone.</p><p>Anakin Skywalker was dead, and he had killed him.</p><p>The man opens his eyes to look up at the ceiling again.<br/>
It does not stare back.</p><p>The ever-familiar pit he so often feels opens in his chest, taking all the light out of his surroundings.  But really, all the light that mattered had gone out on that day.  The day Anakin Skywalker had died.</p><p>The day Obi-wan Kenobi - a man who’d given far too much, and a man who’d lost everything - had died with him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Some more Obi-wan angst because it's all I'm good at, thanks for reading :))</p></blockquote></div></div>
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